Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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