Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
