sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
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The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
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do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize