And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
