You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
