Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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