I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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