If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
