YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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