"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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