I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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