Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
