The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
