some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i love accidental penises.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
