I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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