I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
