Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
