Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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