And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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