Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
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I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
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If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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