My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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