I accidentally had phone sex last night
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
