call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
birth control should be required to get into college
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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