Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
