You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
