i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
