Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
