His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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