I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
