You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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