If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
