I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
