Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
