i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
