i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
