I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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