we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
