and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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