Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
