i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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