Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
