I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think your dad took our porno
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
