fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
