Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Panties = found
Randomize
