Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
