I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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