At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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