i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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