yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
