So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wannas sexs uuuuu
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
