youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
