Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
