dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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