dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i need some magic done to my vagina
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
