so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
