Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
