To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
