Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
