so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Damn victory sex feels great
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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