someone threw a dead crab at me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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