We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
