ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
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Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
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Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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