Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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