My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
