if i can run in heels then i can drive
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
