these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
