You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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