when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
