one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
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The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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