I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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