She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
