you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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