Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I will be naked everywhere
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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